In Michael Hoffman’s The Restoration, a young doctor by the name of Robert Merivel, played by Robert Downey Jr., undergoes adventures throughout Europe in the late 17^th century. He starts off as a lowly doctor, then travels far and wide, going from being the veterinarian to Charles the 2^nd’s dogs, to impregnating a woman who is believed to be mad. The story, however, is quite frankly ridiculous and not very well thought out. In Michael Hoffman’s The Restoration, the settings and clothing are fit to satisfy a historian, but unfortunately, it fails to satisfy any lay person in any aspect.

            Yes, the movie is quite accurate in terms of dates and settings. The movie begins with the story of Charles II, and how he came in to power after the rule of the Puritans. This text, however, is about as historically accurate as the movie gets. Sure, the costumes and settings may have looked a little bit like they would have back then, but frankly, it doesn’t much matter. The setting is really the least of Hoffman’s worries, but he managed to pull those off, quite well. From the beginning, the movie is just a bunch of random events strung together, almost coherently. A historical analysis of the movie can be made by using one word: no.

            At times, it seems as if Michael Hoffman had no interest whatsoever in pleasing the people who watched the movie for historical insight and analysis. He cared more about the main character falling in and out of love with two women he was basically forbidden to love: the king’s main mistress, as well as a woman thought to be loony. As soon as Merivel’s castle was sacked from him for allegations of being in love with his halfhearted wife, the movie was probably put together using patterns of Michael Hoffman’s defecation. In all seriousness, even from a fifteen-year-old point of view, the movie is the most random course of events that could have possibly been strung together. After watching the movie, I rewound to the beginning, and watched the first few scenes. Then I moved forward to the last few minutes of the movie, and wondered just how intoxicated/stoned Michael Hoffman was while making the film. All the secondary characters meant nearly nothing to the movie, save Franklin Pierce, who inspired and re-inspired Merivel to become a doctor. Anyone watching the movie couldn’t have gotten any emotion out of his relationship with Meg Ryan’s character, as well as his infatuation with his “wife.” The supposed comrade butler he received along with his castle didn’t quite fit the old, trustworthy man that most see in a historical movie.

            I give this movie a terrible out of ten. My two year old twin cousins could probably create a movie making more sense than this one. I have never watched a movie that caused me to fall asleep, be bored, and have a headache all at the same time. This officially ranks as one of the three worst movies I have ever seen. The list would go something like this.

1. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist
2. The Restoration
3. Freddy got Fingered.

Mr wolf, I hope you enjoyed this stream of conciousness.